There really isn't a survival story for me yet. A year ago I was diagnosed, had a liver biopsy and only in stage 1. Of course when I found out, I cried, as my best friend had just lost her husband from this disease. I sat in the lab crying "how can this be happening to me?" as I have tried to live a 'decent' life for the past 25 years.

Of course I wasn't quite sure how I received hep c; whether from the military, my 3 parties of intranasal cocaine use, who knows!!! Of course my doctor said, what difference does it make how you contracted it, you have it and must learn to deal with it". He is not concerned as he feels there is not much to worry about; alt & ast testing high, but not severely high, viral load only 779,000. He feels I will outlive this virus; hopefully with no complications.

So I walk around and pretend I am ok…although I feel like a freak; if I cut myself, I panic and hurry to cover it so no one will come into contact with my blood. And Lord forbid I should cut myself in the kitchen. I feel my dinner is ruined! When the aches and tiredness set in, sometimes I just cry (to myself) I'm not supposed to let anyone know how much this is bothering me. Even though the doctor says there is nothing to worry about, that's like telling someone not to worry about having a case of herpes. I feel cheated, dirty, horrible. I don't even want to be around people anymore. John, my significant other of 25 years doesn't understand. He feels everyone will die from something and to just accept it. Believe me, I am trying very hard to accept it.

Then I have another worry…my younger brother is dying from stage 4 lung cancer; just had his leg amputated due to blood clots setting in from 3 treatments of chemotherapy. Then I am guilty of being self-absorbed with my situation; which I suppose isn't a situation at all according to my doctor…just get tested every so often and give me a call if you have any problems. So that's my story…dull, boring, nothing…I hope you don't use this other than allowing me to have a pity party. Truthfully, I am fine, I am not fine. And to all of you who have advanced stages, my heart goes out to you. I pray every day that a miracle cure is out there other than the so-called "milk thistle"! I'm really depressed now, so I have to go. Sorry.